Humor of the Day: You Might Be Dr. Redneck If...

you attach a plastic, purple cup from your alma mater (Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute) to your bike with duct tape. And then, to complete the image, you insert a bottle of water into the plastic, purple cup.

As if that isn't bad enough, you then use rubber bands to secure the bottom of your jeans so they don't flap in the wind and get caught in the bicycle chain. Although the actual photo is pending, you get the general idea:

Thanks to Dr. Crawford for supplying this HUGE laugh of the day on Saturday. Perhaps a trip to Dick's Sporting Goods is in order so Ed can buy a real water bottle and real biking pants??? ...lol

Humor of the Day: Witch One Is It?

Tonight, I suffered my worst fear: I realized that I am the victim of mistaken identity.

I am not Mary Poppins. I am actually the Wicked Witch of the West (on more levels than one).

All this time, I thought that Mary Poppins was the woman who sat with perfect posture when she rode her bike. But, while looking for a photo to go with this blog piece, I realized that I was mistaken.

For many years, I have been ranting and raving about my bicycle and how much I detest it. So, I finally took the plunge and bought a new Trek bike in preparation for my 40 mile Bike NY tour.

When I came home from buying the bike, I excitedly showed Lauren an online picture of the bike. She replied "Oh My God, Mom ...you are going to look like Mary Poppins."

After looking at the photo, I feared that Lauren may be correct. Evidently, the new design in womens bikes is to remove "the bar" that most women hate anyway. And, the low-style, racing handle bars that were popular years ago, have been replaced with "sit-up-straight" handle bars.
With this new design, you can't help but ride with perfect posture.

Tonight, I went for my final bike "fitting" where each and every feature of the bike was fine-tuned to satisfy my "finickiness". I put my prized possession in the car and as we got closer to home, I texted Lauren that "Mary Poppins" estimated time of arrival was 10 minutes." Lauren met me outside, examined my new bike and proclaimed that I was not Mary Poppins afterall. But, my feeling of relief was short-lived.

Instead, I bore a striking resemblance to the Wicked Witch of the West.

And now, thanks to Lauren, I find myself grappling with an identity crisis.

"Witch one is it, Lauren?" ... lol

Humor of the Day: Fence Post

Who would think that a very short conversation about a fence could make me laugh and become my Humor of the Day post?

The other day, Ed and I were driving past our local rail trail and he said that he noticed they are putting up a fence on the "newer" portion of the trail.

He said it was the kind of fence that his parents had at their house. Yet, he could not think of the name for that type of fence.

I asked if it was a picket fence? "No." Was it a "privacy" fence? "No." A chain-link fence? "No." A wrought iron fence? "No."

As far as I knew, I had exhausted my knowledge of fences.

But Ed remained baffled; he could not think of the name for the that type of fence. So, I badgered with him a few more questions and then he added a critical detail "it was the same type of fence that surrounded his backyard when he was growing up."

"Ohhhh.....an electric fence!" I exclaimed.

As funny as I found that image, evidently, the million dollar answer was "split rail fence." Definitely more practical than an electric fence, but clearly less amusing....lol

Humor of the Day: Snow Fall

Though I started this post last week, I've decided to "publish" it as opposed to having it sit in my blog archives.

It's been a rather humorless few days lately and though I've tried to look around and find something that made me laugh or smile, I've come up short. Maybe I need to call my mom again :-)

But, earlier today, I finally did "stumble" across something that brought a smile to my face: I was reading the Cornell Sun online (the daily newspaper at Cornell) and I read about the large amount of snow that Cornell received the other night. That in and of itself is hardly humorous, but what made me laugh where the two students who were interviewed about the snowfall. They both lamented on the fact that they saw very few students "wipe-out" or fall in the snow.

And, that disappointed them. It would have disappointed me, too.

It made me laugh to know that I am not the only person who, in a warped way, enjoys seeing people fall. No, no...it's not that I am hoping to see anyone get hurt; it's just that because falling is one of the most spontaneous things that can happen, it is funny (often hysterical) on a "physical" level. But, what I find even funnier than the actual fall, is the reaction of the faller and/or those who witnessed the fall. It's often priceless.

As a veteran of many falls (broken bones and all), I still laugh when I think back to some of my finer moments. There's the time I stumbled down the steps in our house, landed in a big heap at the bottom, called for Ed and ended up sitting there alone laughing. Evidently, the rest of the family, who was so engrossed in playing "Zelda" in the bonus room never even heard my plea for help. Lauren later said "she thought she heard a loud "thump" but wasn't really sure. Yes Lauren, that thump was me.

Or, there was my infamous fall in Washington, DC as we darted past the Lincoln Memorial to catch our site-seeing trolley. Fortunately, it was a night tour and no one other than my kids (and Mr. Lincoln) witnessed the tumble. All I remember is hearing Philip say to Lauren "I think Mom fell, but just keep running." After getting up and brushing myself off, I walked on to the trolley as though my land-dive had never occurred. And, I proceeded to laugh about my fall the rest of the tour. I'm sure the other tour patrons wondered what could possibly be so hysterical about the Viet Nam memorial.

But, my Grand Champion of falls occurred when I, too, was in college. And, I think that's why I found the quotes in the Cornell Sun so amusing.

As a grad student at RPI, I was rushing to class one day in the middle of winter. No sooner was I smack, dead center in front of the main entrance to the Student Union - the busiest place on campus - when I slipped on some ice and wiped-out. I landed on my back, laid there dazed for a moment until I heard a male voice say "RPI was founded in 1824 by Stephen Van Rensselaer..."

As I looked to my right, I saw the student tour guide, walking slowly backwards (as all college tour guides do), and the mass of people on his tour were starting to move closer to my spot of impact. At that moment, not even a broken vertebrate in my back could have prevented me from leaping up off the ground. Yet, before continuing on my way, I first did the obligatory "pavement scan," which most fallers do after rising from a wipe-out. This, of course, is to give the perception that there must be something wrong with the ground and that's what caused the fall.

And while I don't remember ever seeing an article in the RPI newspaper about students wiping-out in the snow, I can only hope that my plunge does not remain as vivid of a memory for anyone who witnessed it that day as it does for me.

Yet, if it does, it pleases me to know that I did not disappoint: there's nothing better than witnessing a good Snow Fall....lol

Humor of the Day: No Dummies Allowed

Today I came home from work and told Ed that I was going to buy a reference book for Word 2010. My new work laptop has this latest version of Word on it and while I know Word fairly well, I am having a bit of trouble finding options easily, etc. I did a brief amount of research and discovered that the "Word 2010 for Dummies" book was rated quite well. It seemed like a no-brainer to me that I would buy this book and keep it for quick reference.

When I told Ed my plan, his reaction baffled me, but it also made me laugh. He thought it was a horrendous idea for me to buy a "Dummy" book. It would tarnish my image at work as the documentation "expert."

Huh?

He proceeded to tell me that if co-workers saw me referencing a Dummy book, they would think I didn't know anything at all. I laughed and said that was ridiculous and on the contrary, having a "Dummy" book would just emphasize the confidence I have in my skills. I didn't have to worry about "appearances" or "perceptions". We debated the issue for a few minutes and Ed assured me that he would help find me a "professional" Word book. I told him I had absolutely no interest in buying the Albert Einstein Word reference guide, with insider tips/tricks for developers to code macros, plug-ins, blah blah.

But, because I was still baffled by Ed's reaction, I decided to get an objective opinion from Philip. I knew that Philip would agree with me and say "if the Dummy book works for you, go for it." I sent him a text and told Ed that Philip's response would be the deciding factor in my decision.

The verdict read as follows:

Dummy Book: 1 vote
Professional Book: 2 votes

And so now, I am the proud owner of "Word 2010 In Depth." Not only is the name impressive, but the book looks professional and sleek. A geek's treasure.

After buying the book and thinking about it, I've decided that "maybe" there is some merit in what Ed/Philip said. I came to this conclusion when I envisioned myself walking into the office of the Chief Medical Officer and seeing the book "Medicine for Dummies" on her desk. Hmmmm......

Evidently, work is not a place for Dummies.....lol

Humor of the Day: None...Black Tuesday...RIP Rob

Earlier today, I was struggling with an idea to blog about. Unfortunately, the past few days have been rather humorless. Yet, around mid-day I did find something that brought a smile to my face and at lunch, I started a new post. I figured I would complete it tonight. Wrong.

I just received a call from a former Verizon co-worker and she informed me that one of our fellow co-workers was murdered Monday morning. He was shot in the head and his house was then burned-down. I'm in shock.

Rob was one of the most laid-back, left-over hippie types, who opposed all things violent. For him to face such a violent death is ironic. And, so very sad.

Rob was also an avid runner and would go for daily runs with our boss Zvi and fellow buddy Mehrdad. One of my most vivid memories of Rob was a discussion we were having about running. Mehrdad was telling me that running "2 miles on the treadmill" was barely worth it - hardly a workout. Rob piped in and said "That's ridiculous...any run you do on the treadmill is worth it. Go for it."

I'll always remember Rob's encouraging words.

Humor of the Day: Spell It for Me

I already know there is no way that this post can possibly due justice to the conversation I just had with my mother. This conversation did not make me smile nor did it make me laugh.
It made me HOWL in hysterics. In fact, my laughing caused such a commotion that Lauren came downstairs to see what was going on (was there a mouse downstairs?) and Ed, in typical Ed fashion, put his earplugs in so he could tune me out and watch whatever it was he was watching on the computer.

As part of the weekly conversation with my mom, I mentioned that the Senior Prom drama with Lauren had begun: we had started shopping, the kids were picking limos and party buses. And already, there was lots of drama.

"What kind of drama can there be with a prom?" she wanted to know. I explained that Lauren's friends had gotten a party bus ("Are you sure that is safe?"), there were kids on the waiting list ("How much does each kid pay for this bus?") and that Lauren thought her party bus was filled with a lot of "boring" kids ("What kind of kids?")

Again, I repeated "BORING kids" to which she replied "I'm still not understanding you."

BORING kids-- you know - kids that aren't as fun as other kids.

"I can't catch what you are saying. I told you I have been having trouble hearing lately."

BORING...BORING...when someone isn't fun...BORING.

"Can you spell it for me?"

Of course, at this point, I am starting to laugh louder and each time I tried to spell the word boring, I got no further than the "b-o" and would then convulse into laughter.

"I am still not getting what you are spelling...keep spelling it"

"B-O-R"......and again, I would begin to gasp for air as I tried to continue spelling.

After about the 3rd attempt, my mom said "Oh, BLIND kids...her party bus is full of BLIND kids?"

"WHHHHHAATTTTT? Where did you get that? I did not say blind. Why would Lauren's bus be filled with blind kids?" Her friends are not Helen Keller and she does not attend a school for the visually impaired."

Next week, I think I'll try a Skype session with my mom and revert to sign language....it can only improve our communication .... lol