Humor of the Day: Conjoined at the Wrist

Though this Humor of the Day incident occurred a week ago, I wanted to be sure to post about it because it not only made me smile, but it made me laugh out loud - a lot.

Lauren and I were planning "Prom Dress Shopping Take 2" and had decided that we would make a quick trip to a local dress shop. As I was getting ready for the shopping excursion, I put on my usual "bronze" color watch. At some point, while I continued to get dressed, I put on a sweater with a silver zipper. In my mind, that meant that my earrings should also be silver. And hence, I should also wear my silver watch. Clearly, I had seen one too many episodes of "What Not to Wear."

So, I placed my silver watch on my wrist.

Because the local dress shop closed at 5 and because I also knew that prom dress shopping is always an ordeal that lasts several hours, I was conscious of how much time we had for actual shopping. As we were driving to the dress shop, I glanced at my wrist to see the time. And that's when the Humor of the Day incident occurred.

Unbeknowst to me, when I put on my silver watch, I never took off the bronze watch. And so there, on my wrist, were my two watches co-habitating.

After laughing and convincing myself that I really wasn't going crazy, I took my "conjoined watches" as a sign that "Prom Dress Shopping Take 2" would take twice as long, be twice as much fun and end up costing me twice as much money...lol

Humor of the Day: The Wicked Witch of the West Goes South

This past Saturday, I didn't have to look too far to find humor. First, Dr. Redneck provided me with a huge laugh as he prepared himself for our upcoming 20 mile bike.

And then, while on our ride, it was the Wicked Witch of the West herself who added to the amusement.

This past Saturday marked the Maiden Voyage of my new bicycle. Armed with "real" padded bicycle pants (as opposed to Dr. Redneck's idea of stuffing a pillow in my regular pants), I took to the Harlem Rail Trial for my first 20 mile ride.

Accompanied by my training partner, Laura; my self-appointed cycling coach, Ed and Laura's good-natured husband Alan, we set out on our adventure. Laura, who is quickly following in her husband's footsteps and developing a fascination for electronic devices, had her Garmin GPS watch, which would track our mileage.

As we unloaded our bikes at the rail trail and were getting ready for our big adventure, I made an interesting observation: I, the shortest person of the group by about a foot, had one of the largest bicycles. As we would say in the Crawford household, "I had the bike that ate Canterberry Court (our street)." In layman's terms, that's another way of saying "my bike was HUGE."

Another interesting tidbit to note was that when the bike was "fitted" to me, it was configured so that my feet do not touch the ground at all if I am sitting on the seat. As it was explained to me, I am supposed to apply the brakes and then gracefully slide off the seat when I come to a stop. My feet will meet the ground at some point. It all sounded good in theory when the "bike guy" explained this to me.

Once at the rail trail, we all geared up --"Should I wear a hat?" "Should I wear gloves? "Are long pants better than the capri length riding pants?" And, when Ed had securely attached his rubber bands to the bottom of his jeans, it was time to start our expedition.

When our bike posse made it one way to the end of the rail trial, we discovered that we ran out of trail. Instead of stopping to eat lunch (which, in retrospect, would have been a much better idea), Ed, Laura and I turned around and started heading back.

At this point in our journey, Laura and I were riding side-by-side and my coach was behind me (analyzing my riding form, no doubt). As Laura and I chatted about god-knows-what, we came upon a patch of ice/snow. Laura went to the left of the patch and I went to the right. Or, as Ed says, "You headed straight for the ice patch - purposely."

At that moment in time, it was a moot point as to which direction I planned to head: left, right or center. It made no difference at all because seemingly, my bike was on autopilot and on a course of its own. A crash course.

As my front tire started to swerve left, right and every which way in between, I fought to maintain control. But, the only real control I had at that point was to cover my eyes and try to protect them from the bushes that would soon be my landing pad. And then, I auto-ejected from my bike. Or, a more accurate description may be that my bike auto-ejected from me.

When I made landfall in the snow bank, I did what I usually do after a fall: I started to laugh. And cry. And then, some combination of the two. But, when I felt the intense pain in my left leg, panic set in and four vivid thoughts went through my head:

1. Your running days are over; you'll never get that medal for the 70+ age group.
2. Your biking days are over before they even began.
3. You will be returning to work on Monday morning in a full body cast - or better yet- you won't have to go to work on Monday.
4. "OH MY GOD - MY NEW BIKE IS RUINED".

Five days post auto-ejection, I have yet to be able to run without pain, have not tried biking and did return to work, though not in a full body cast.

And as for my bike, it survived its Maiden Voyage with a few nics and scratches, but is no worse for wear. My legs, however, are another story.

Clearly, any fantasies I may have had of ever being a "leg model" are gone. They, too, went South with the Wicked Witch of the West....lol

Humor of the Day: You Might Be Dr. Redneck If...

you attach a plastic, purple cup from your alma mater (Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute) to your bike with duct tape. And then, to complete the image, you insert a bottle of water into the plastic, purple cup.

As if that isn't bad enough, you then use rubber bands to secure the bottom of your jeans so they don't flap in the wind and get caught in the bicycle chain. Although the actual photo is pending, you get the general idea:

Thanks to Dr. Crawford for supplying this HUGE laugh of the day on Saturday. Perhaps a trip to Dick's Sporting Goods is in order so Ed can buy a real water bottle and real biking pants??? ...lol

Humor of the Day: Witch One Is It?

Tonight, I suffered my worst fear: I realized that I am the victim of mistaken identity.

I am not Mary Poppins. I am actually the Wicked Witch of the West (on more levels than one).

All this time, I thought that Mary Poppins was the woman who sat with perfect posture when she rode her bike. But, while looking for a photo to go with this blog piece, I realized that I was mistaken.

For many years, I have been ranting and raving about my bicycle and how much I detest it. So, I finally took the plunge and bought a new Trek bike in preparation for my 40 mile Bike NY tour.

When I came home from buying the bike, I excitedly showed Lauren an online picture of the bike. She replied "Oh My God, Mom ...you are going to look like Mary Poppins."

After looking at the photo, I feared that Lauren may be correct. Evidently, the new design in womens bikes is to remove "the bar" that most women hate anyway. And, the low-style, racing handle bars that were popular years ago, have been replaced with "sit-up-straight" handle bars.
With this new design, you can't help but ride with perfect posture.

Tonight, I went for my final bike "fitting" where each and every feature of the bike was fine-tuned to satisfy my "finickiness". I put my prized possession in the car and as we got closer to home, I texted Lauren that "Mary Poppins" estimated time of arrival was 10 minutes." Lauren met me outside, examined my new bike and proclaimed that I was not Mary Poppins afterall. But, my feeling of relief was short-lived.

Instead, I bore a striking resemblance to the Wicked Witch of the West.

And now, thanks to Lauren, I find myself grappling with an identity crisis.

"Witch one is it, Lauren?" ... lol

Humor of the Day: Fence Post

Who would think that a very short conversation about a fence could make me laugh and become my Humor of the Day post?

The other day, Ed and I were driving past our local rail trail and he said that he noticed they are putting up a fence on the "newer" portion of the trail.

He said it was the kind of fence that his parents had at their house. Yet, he could not think of the name for that type of fence.

I asked if it was a picket fence? "No." Was it a "privacy" fence? "No." A chain-link fence? "No." A wrought iron fence? "No."

As far as I knew, I had exhausted my knowledge of fences.

But Ed remained baffled; he could not think of the name for the that type of fence. So, I badgered with him a few more questions and then he added a critical detail "it was the same type of fence that surrounded his backyard when he was growing up."

"Ohhhh.....an electric fence!" I exclaimed.

As funny as I found that image, evidently, the million dollar answer was "split rail fence." Definitely more practical than an electric fence, but clearly less amusing....lol

Humor of the Day: Snow Fall

Though I started this post last week, I've decided to "publish" it as opposed to having it sit in my blog archives.

It's been a rather humorless few days lately and though I've tried to look around and find something that made me laugh or smile, I've come up short. Maybe I need to call my mom again :-)

But, earlier today, I finally did "stumble" across something that brought a smile to my face: I was reading the Cornell Sun online (the daily newspaper at Cornell) and I read about the large amount of snow that Cornell received the other night. That in and of itself is hardly humorous, but what made me laugh where the two students who were interviewed about the snowfall. They both lamented on the fact that they saw very few students "wipe-out" or fall in the snow.

And, that disappointed them. It would have disappointed me, too.

It made me laugh to know that I am not the only person who, in a warped way, enjoys seeing people fall. No, no...it's not that I am hoping to see anyone get hurt; it's just that because falling is one of the most spontaneous things that can happen, it is funny (often hysterical) on a "physical" level. But, what I find even funnier than the actual fall, is the reaction of the faller and/or those who witnessed the fall. It's often priceless.

As a veteran of many falls (broken bones and all), I still laugh when I think back to some of my finer moments. There's the time I stumbled down the steps in our house, landed in a big heap at the bottom, called for Ed and ended up sitting there alone laughing. Evidently, the rest of the family, who was so engrossed in playing "Zelda" in the bonus room never even heard my plea for help. Lauren later said "she thought she heard a loud "thump" but wasn't really sure. Yes Lauren, that thump was me.

Or, there was my infamous fall in Washington, DC as we darted past the Lincoln Memorial to catch our site-seeing trolley. Fortunately, it was a night tour and no one other than my kids (and Mr. Lincoln) witnessed the tumble. All I remember is hearing Philip say to Lauren "I think Mom fell, but just keep running." After getting up and brushing myself off, I walked on to the trolley as though my land-dive had never occurred. And, I proceeded to laugh about my fall the rest of the tour. I'm sure the other tour patrons wondered what could possibly be so hysterical about the Viet Nam memorial.

But, my Grand Champion of falls occurred when I, too, was in college. And, I think that's why I found the quotes in the Cornell Sun so amusing.

As a grad student at RPI, I was rushing to class one day in the middle of winter. No sooner was I smack, dead center in front of the main entrance to the Student Union - the busiest place on campus - when I slipped on some ice and wiped-out. I landed on my back, laid there dazed for a moment until I heard a male voice say "RPI was founded in 1824 by Stephen Van Rensselaer..."

As I looked to my right, I saw the student tour guide, walking slowly backwards (as all college tour guides do), and the mass of people on his tour were starting to move closer to my spot of impact. At that moment, not even a broken vertebrate in my back could have prevented me from leaping up off the ground. Yet, before continuing on my way, I first did the obligatory "pavement scan," which most fallers do after rising from a wipe-out. This, of course, is to give the perception that there must be something wrong with the ground and that's what caused the fall.

And while I don't remember ever seeing an article in the RPI newspaper about students wiping-out in the snow, I can only hope that my plunge does not remain as vivid of a memory for anyone who witnessed it that day as it does for me.

Yet, if it does, it pleases me to know that I did not disappoint: there's nothing better than witnessing a good Snow Fall....lol

Humor of the Day: No Dummies Allowed

Today I came home from work and told Ed that I was going to buy a reference book for Word 2010. My new work laptop has this latest version of Word on it and while I know Word fairly well, I am having a bit of trouble finding options easily, etc. I did a brief amount of research and discovered that the "Word 2010 for Dummies" book was rated quite well. It seemed like a no-brainer to me that I would buy this book and keep it for quick reference.

When I told Ed my plan, his reaction baffled me, but it also made me laugh. He thought it was a horrendous idea for me to buy a "Dummy" book. It would tarnish my image at work as the documentation "expert."

Huh?

He proceeded to tell me that if co-workers saw me referencing a Dummy book, they would think I didn't know anything at all. I laughed and said that was ridiculous and on the contrary, having a "Dummy" book would just emphasize the confidence I have in my skills. I didn't have to worry about "appearances" or "perceptions". We debated the issue for a few minutes and Ed assured me that he would help find me a "professional" Word book. I told him I had absolutely no interest in buying the Albert Einstein Word reference guide, with insider tips/tricks for developers to code macros, plug-ins, blah blah.

But, because I was still baffled by Ed's reaction, I decided to get an objective opinion from Philip. I knew that Philip would agree with me and say "if the Dummy book works for you, go for it." I sent him a text and told Ed that Philip's response would be the deciding factor in my decision.

The verdict read as follows:

Dummy Book: 1 vote
Professional Book: 2 votes

And so now, I am the proud owner of "Word 2010 In Depth." Not only is the name impressive, but the book looks professional and sleek. A geek's treasure.

After buying the book and thinking about it, I've decided that "maybe" there is some merit in what Ed/Philip said. I came to this conclusion when I envisioned myself walking into the office of the Chief Medical Officer and seeing the book "Medicine for Dummies" on her desk. Hmmmm......

Evidently, work is not a place for Dummies.....lol