Humor of the Day: 1-800-Meat

This Humor of the Day post is dedicated to my Aunt Frances, who turned 95 years old on Saturday.

While trying to decide what to write about Frances, I thought about writing a touching piece about her remarkable life story --overcoming polio at age 2, dropping out of school at age 15 to take care of my mom (after their mother died), returning to night school, continuing on to get her Masters at Columbia, breaking her hip at age 93 and now back on her feet again -- or, I could write about Frances and an incident that occurred 3 years that still makes me laugh whenever I think about it.

I opted for the incident that occurred 3 years ago.

My mother and I went to visit Frances in NYC one Saturday afternoon. Because we arrived around lunch time, we had agreed that we would go to a nearby deli for something to eat. Frances told me that the deli was about 10 blocks away, but because it was Saturday and the deli was kosher, we should call ahead to see if they were open. Reasonable enough.

Frances got the Yellow Pages, looked up the number, told me that she would recite the number and I should dial the phone. As she started to recite the number, she said "1-800..." I immediately stopped her and said "Frances, I don't think you are looking at the right phone number. If the deli is only 10 blocks away, I doubt they have an 800 number."

Frances looked at the Yellow Pages again and said "That is the correct number" and she repeated the 1-800-number. Although it still didn't seem right to me, I dialed the number and in my usual fashion, I quickly handed the phone to my mother who relishes in talking on the phone.

My mother had no sooner said "hello" when her eyes turned HUGE, her mouth literally dropped open, she gasped and then said "uuhhhhhhh." She then ran over to me and put the phone up to my ear.

That's when I heard a woman's voice saying things that no woman should ever hear -- much less say. Although my mother seemingly wanted to keep listening, she hung up the phone and exclaimed "Frances, for god's sake...what number did you give us?"

Unbeknown to Frances, when she looked up the phone number for the deli, she actually gave me the number for a 1-800 "Meat Market." In non-kosher terms, this translates to a sex hot line. Not the kosher deli 10 blocks from Frances' apartment.

And while this was literally an eye-opening experience for us all, we not only learned that the kosher deli was open on Saturday, but evidently, the Meat Market does not observe the Sabbath either....lol

Happy 95th Birthday Frances!!!!